Problem Child

[likeits1999]

...So, uh. Got some things I should probably tell you guys.

[ Kevin seems a little nervous, he has trouble doing "eye contact" with the mirror. ]

I guess like... first of all, I'm Kevin? I'm from New York? I skate? I've met some of you but not everybody so...

[ He shrugs. ]

You ever known somebody who... uh, has a personal problem? But it turns out that if you know 'em and are around 'em all the time it kinda winds up to be their crap ends up being everybody's shit to deal with?

It's kinda like that.

[ Everything about trying to explain this is awful. Everything. ]

The thing with me is... well..

I'm... kind of a vampire?

[ There. He said it. Getting that part out helps him square up and face it a little better, his gaze steadies straight on the mirror. ]

Actually, not "kind of" at all. I'm definitely a vampire. I drink people's blood. I have to. Been doing this shit a good while, too. The Green's got my back with the whole sunlight deal, but I still ain't exactly keeping down regular grindage if you know what I'm saying.

[ Kevin winces a little. He tried. ]

So... here's the deal: I need to drink blood sometimes. Otherwise I get hungry, and when I get hungry I stop... being able to be a person so good? It's bad. Trust me.

[ Please, please trust the self-described vampire. ]

It's not a lot all the time, I can go a bit if I'm full up, and I can stretch it on animals and junk like that, but it's... yeah, dog.

[ He makes his lungs pull in air and breathe it back out in a long hwoo. ]

The other thing is it's probably... if I'm gonna be real with allay'all, I don't want to put my teeth in you? I mean, I got 'em.

[ He takes a second to drop fangs and show the mirror before pulling them back in, which probably does a whole lot of good for his image with the team. ]

It does stuff to people, though? And I don't want to be like that if we're gonna be doing this Lord of the Rings shit together, alright? If we're gonna be real, I'm gonna be real.

[ Kevin's shoulders sink a little as this sudden surge of confidence falters. ]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this, but I'm not lying about it and I'm not gonna sneak around. And I mean.... if y'all wanna run me off into the woods, cool, but I'm gonna end up stuck comin' back like any of the rest of us.

If I could just go find someplace else to be, I mean...

[ He smiles weakly. ]

You wouldn't be hearing this.

Comments

[awfulcer]

[Oh boy, another one. At some point, Dixon figures they're going to hit critical mass of people in this teleportation radius. And it's another teenager too. After watching teenagers drop like flies and stagger around with their souls blackened at Weathertop, Dixon gets antsy to see another one around to get screwed up.

Especially when it looks like kid already has a problem.]

Have you tried drinking your own blood?

[likeits1999]

[ Kevin nods, very seriously. ]

Yeah.

Like... ten years ago though, dude.

The problem is I still got less of it every time I wake up.

[ An infinite blood loop is definitely the kind of thing Kevin wishes he had. ]

[awfulcer]

Huh.

[Dixon has to think about that for a minute, and he figures that maybe there's some body thing that turns part of the blood into piss? Maybe? Dixon ain't no fuckin' doctor, he don't know shit about biology.]

How about mixing it with water?

[bravelyrunaway]

Because mixing water with something makes more of it, right?

[God, keeping a (mostly) straight face is killing him.]

[awfulcer]

[Dixon goes from neutral to defensive at the speed of light.]

I didn't fucking ask you, did I? Let the kid talk.

[bravelyrunaway]

[Nope, he's going to be a dick.]

No no, please, I need to understand this mystical Alchemical process. Clearly, you have uncovered the mysteries of the Philosopher's Stone and are therefore able to make different substances endlessly reproduce.

Have you tried it on gold yet? Come on, don't be stingy, share with the group.

[awfulcer]

What are you talking about? [Seriously, that was all too referential and requires more understanding of...anything than Dixon has.] I didn’t ask your opinion, so keep it to yourself or I’m going to up and leave you next time you’re pissing yourself, you screaming punkass little bitch.

[That escalated quickly.]

[bravelyrunaway]

[Harper's eyes narrow and they don't narrow in a 'haha, I'm slightly annoyed but am going to devilishly bug this guy with harmless prankery.' Oh no, that conflict did indeed escalate. Through the roof.]

[Up into the stratosphere.]

[Oh, look it just achieved unmanned spaceflight.]

[And that means Harper's eyes narrow the way they do when he's decided he's going to destroy someone.]

[Stupid guy, I dub thee Gerentex Part Deux, he thinks.]

You seem to have mistaken me for, uh, yourself, seeing as I was indeed screaming but you were the one piss drunk in a firefight. But let's just push all that to the side and let bygones be bygones -

[He stops.]

Yeah, I was gonna to pretend for half a second that I wasn't going to make your life miserable as often as I can - so it would've been less likely to get pinned on me - but I can't even fake conciliatory for more than a few seconds.

Besides, you're so stupid you might not be able to muster up enough basic pattern recognition to figure out any of it is me, and I'd at least want you to know.

So, uh, I can't stand your face and we're officially at war? Don't expect any ridiculously high-brow principles here, either, I'm absolutely in favor of metaphorical war crimes when it comes to my personal vendettas.

[awfulcer]

[It's lucky for everyone that this is over the mirror network, because if they were in person Dixon would absolutely start swinging. Instead he has the mirror at full size and is shouting in the kind of zero-to-one-hundred anger that brings sweat to his brow and turns his face red, jabbing his finger around for emphasis.]

I saved your fucking life, and it's not like I got loaded before the fight, I got loaded during the fight. [Which doesn't particularly help his case for any of the many people who haven't been told yet that his magic makes him drunk, honestly. The drinkin' shield ain't common knowledge yet.]

You come near me, I'll put you in the ground, you fucking pussy.

[likeits1999]

HEY!

[ Kevin just dives into the argument, expression suddenly grim. ]

Both of you cut. It. The fuck. Out.

[ ...Yes. That sure was a dated hand gesture interspersed with the middle finger. It lends incredible gravity to Kevin's reprimand, he's sure. ]

He asked me a question and I got it. Shit was aces. Why you guys gotta act like this?! Both of y'all chill.

If anybody's got a reason to be mad at anybody else, get pissed at me, right? I'm the one talking about fucking blood here.

Je-sus.

[bravelyrunaway]

I'm not gonna get mad at you. You didn't choose to be a denizen of the undead.

Him, on the other hand? He's chosen to be...that.

I mean, he's probably not the dumbest person on the planet, but he sure better hope they don't die anytime soon.

[awfulcer]

I asked him a fucking question and he got up in my face to mouth off. I've got every right to tell him to take a hike.

[wherenoonegoes]

Dixon? He's just mouthing off right now. Don't sink to his level.

[awfulcer]

I asked a question and he got up in my face and I have the right to defend myself when he does that! Don't tell me what to do, Hiccup, you're not my chief.

[Dixon's not just sinking to Harper's level, he's trying to drag everyone else down with him, and he's sinking into that whirlpool of negativity as rage and insecurity and grief and anxiety all suck him down past where he can think straight.]

[easy_as_cake]

Harper! [That is her 'you are doing something stupid and I am here to make you realize it or die trying' voice.]

I know you don't mean that.

[Translation: He had better not mean that.]

There are not enough people here for you to be declaring war on our friends! We all need to get along.

[Does she need to break out the 'peace, love, and understanding' speech? She will.]

[bravelyrunaway]

I absolutely mean it!

And I'm not declaring actual war so much as a light unconstitutional military intervention.

Besides, I've got every right to hate his guts on sight. [Harper gestures with the hand not holding his magic mirror, making it curve around something invisible.] He's so dense, light bends around him.

[easy_as_cake]

You do not. You are a better person than that, Harper, and I believe in you.

[Her eyes narrow at his 'joke' and her mirror starts bobbing a bit like she's walking somewhere. Purposefully.]

Dixon is nice. You're not supposed to hate nice people.

[There's a vague, implicit threat under her words that most people who don't know her would never pick up. Harper is not most people.]

[awfulcer]

Stay out of this, I don't need you fighting my fights for me! [Dixon's got a sort of mad dog energy radiating off him, like if this were in person he'd be liable to kick the hell out of the nearest person, animal, plant or rock, whatever their business being there.]

[easy_as_cake]

[She's faced down far more terrifying things than one angry human. She looks affronted but not afraid of his anger.]

I'm not fighting anyone's battles! You're both being dumb and mean and not nice at all!

[likeits1999]

Nah. It would be nice though, right?

[ Kevin just takes this at (mostly) straight face value. ]

[bravelyrunaway]

[Crap. Oblivious sincerity, his one weakness. (Hence why he can't bring himself to be mean to Trance).]

Ah. Yeah. That'd be great, wouldn't it. Think of the possibilities - endlessly replenishing beer being one of them.

[He's talking to a vampire. Like a real vampire, judging from the fangs. This is weird. And uncomfortable. What does he say?]

[The guy looks young - and sounds young, young enough that he might have only been changed semi-recently rather than being some ancient and terrible thing. Young gets him more of a pass than he might've gotten otherwise, so Harper tries for 'awkwardly comforting.']

Look, you, uh, wouldn't be the first person I've crewed with that saw his crewmates as lunch on legs. While not exactly reliable [Yeah, he's still a little bitter that Rev went off on his retreat right as Harper started dying, when he'd promised to help him] about some things, my friend's been able to keep listening to his better angels even when it gets hard.

Kinda literally. He's a reverend.

And his species is something that makes vampires - provided you're anything like the stories - look like the Tooth Fairy.

So it's possible to walk that tightrope when you've got the right people around you. This group seems like it's full of bleeding hearts - pun at least partly intended - so they'll probably be able to figure out a way to make it work.

[likeits1999]

Iunno man, I know some hella vampire stories.

[ Because that is clearly the important thing to respond to here. ]

I didn't expect this to go over real hot, honestly? Like... this is nice. I'm not gonna pretend it's not weird, but this is nice of people, yo.

[ Kevin shakes his head, as if he's still letting it sink through. ]

Makes you wonder if it'd work out if we just asked all the time? Like all the old guys got rules. [ He shifts his voice, trying to sound older and spookier. ] Don't tell the Kine we're here! and all.

[ Kevin shrugs. ]

I don't know. I got people telling me I shouldn't be let out to go around by myself yet cause back in the day they didn't turn you loose til you'd been bit ten years, man. Fuck do I know?

[likeits1999]

[ Another Kindred might snap at Dixon. For people who have centuries a head of them, they sure don't tend to be a patient bunch. But Kevin is young. Kevin's a fresh vampire, one who didn't choose this unlife, and he's had some awkward hangouts with neonates that got taught even less than he did. This, he doesn't mind. ]

Nah, man. It's like... blood's special? I throw water back up.

I tried a lotta stuff when I was new at this.

[awfulcer]

[For what it's worth, there isn't an ounce of snark in Dixon right now. He's just earnestly trying to brainstorm ideas, as if Kevin hasn't spent a decade considering options. There's something almost eager to please in Dixon.]

You throw everything that ain't blood back up? Because maybe you can mix it with something else.

[likeits1999]

It's just none of it's blood, you know?

[ Kevin shrugs. He appreciates the attempt, it's somebody trying to help him even if they're not very good at it. It's surprisingly nice to get that from people who should by all rights be checking around for pitchforks. ]

Best I can do is some animal blood but like.... I need a lot more of it and it tastes real bad.

[ Kevin makes a face. ]

Word of advice: Anybody ever bites you? Don't drink any rats, man. Not a fun time.