Problem Child

[likeits1999]

...So, uh. Got some things I should probably tell you guys.

[ Kevin seems a little nervous, he has trouble doing "eye contact" with the mirror. ]

I guess like... first of all, I'm Kevin? I'm from New York? I skate? I've met some of you but not everybody so...

[ He shrugs. ]

You ever known somebody who... uh, has a personal problem? But it turns out that if you know 'em and are around 'em all the time it kinda winds up to be their crap ends up being everybody's shit to deal with?

It's kinda like that.

[ Everything about trying to explain this is awful. Everything. ]

The thing with me is... well..

I'm... kind of a vampire?

[ There. He said it. Getting that part out helps him square up and face it a little better, his gaze steadies straight on the mirror. ]

Actually, not "kind of" at all. I'm definitely a vampire. I drink people's blood. I have to. Been doing this shit a good while, too. The Green's got my back with the whole sunlight deal, but I still ain't exactly keeping down regular grindage if you know what I'm saying.

[ Kevin winces a little. He tried. ]

So... here's the deal: I need to drink blood sometimes. Otherwise I get hungry, and when I get hungry I stop... being able to be a person so good? It's bad. Trust me.

[ Please, please trust the self-described vampire. ]

It's not a lot all the time, I can go a bit if I'm full up, and I can stretch it on animals and junk like that, but it's... yeah, dog.

[ He makes his lungs pull in air and breathe it back out in a long hwoo. ]

The other thing is it's probably... if I'm gonna be real with allay'all, I don't want to put my teeth in you? I mean, I got 'em.

[ He takes a second to drop fangs and show the mirror before pulling them back in, which probably does a whole lot of good for his image with the team. ]

It does stuff to people, though? And I don't want to be like that if we're gonna be doing this Lord of the Rings shit together, alright? If we're gonna be real, I'm gonna be real.

[ Kevin's shoulders sink a little as this sudden surge of confidence falters. ]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this, but I'm not lying about it and I'm not gonna sneak around. And I mean.... if y'all wanna run me off into the woods, cool, but I'm gonna end up stuck comin' back like any of the rest of us.

If I could just go find someplace else to be, I mean...

[ He smiles weakly. ]

You wouldn't be hearing this.

Comments

[bravelyrunaway]

I'm not gonna get mad at you. You didn't choose to be a denizen of the undead.

Him, on the other hand? He's chosen to be...that.

I mean, he's probably not the dumbest person on the planet, but he sure better hope they don't die anytime soon.

[likeits1999]

Bro, you started it.

[ Kevin's eyebrows arch in an expression of 'are you really gonna try this?' ]

I had no problems with that.

You know how many newbies ask that question? It's a lot.

[bravelyrunaway]

He started it by existing.

[likeits1999]

Bro.

[ That glower is very, very strong to be coming out of this face. ]

[wherenoonegoes]

So far, all I can tell is that you're not much smarter.

[likeits1999]

[ Kevin waves a hand in frustration. ]

Dude if you get this shit started again I'm gonna-

[ And he cuts off there, as if he doesn't even need to elaborate. ]

[wherenoonegoes]

Oh don't worry about that. If it gets started again I'm getting Toothless to sit on both of them.

[likeits1999]

I don't know who that is, but don't.

[ Kevin's fangs show just a bit. He's starting to get genuinely pissed. ]

[wherenoonegoes]

[The mirror moves to show Toothless, who is very big and very definitely not toothless.]

That's Toothless. Look, I get not wanting it to start up again, but speaking from experience? It's going to happen no matter what unless someone gives them a very good reason why they shouldn't. Even if that reason ends up being "The dragon is going to sit on you every time you do this."

[likeits1999]

I was working on it!

[bravelyrunaway]

Oh no, I invented time travel, among other things. I may not be much to look at but the ol noggin's the intellectual equivalent of a three-time Playlien Centerfold model, whose likes include: slipstream engineering, long walks on the beaches of Infinity Atoll, and aiding and abetting.

You're just looking at my impetuous and eclectic style of conflict resolution and thinking 'that guy sure did threaten another guy in front of the group, he must be stupid' but really, I'm not dumb. I'm just morally bankrupt and don't care who knows.

[wherenoonegoes]

There's a pretty wide gulf between intelligence and wisdom. You can be smart one way and a complete idiot in the other. Trust me. I know, intimately, what that's like. And starting a war with someone you're going to be stuck traveling with for at least the next few months isn't the brightest idea ever.

This can be where Trance intercedes and grabs his mirror?

[bravelyrunaway]

[Harper scowls because...well shit he's gotten this lecture before in another form, from Rev, and he hates getting slammed in the face with it again. It reminds him of how disappointed Rev would be with how he's acting - just like Trance is - and all the upset in the world over Rev leaving him when he needed him the most still isn't changing the creeping feeling of shame that refuses to be ignored.]

[It's not that he really feels like that idiot deserves kid gloves but he's snapping at other people now and being a smartass and they're completely innocent in all this.]

[But it's not easy to just let the irateness he's currently coasting on go. When Harper doubles down, he really doubles down, and at the core of this is...]

[Is that fact that his feelings were kind of hurt and there's no way in hell he's going to admit that. No matter how much they ever disagree, certain things on the Andromeda crew are off limits. Nobody touches things like Beka's flash addiction, Tyr losing his family and Pride, Dylan losing his entire world in a heartbeat, or anything to do with the shitmess that was Harper's upbringing on Earth or what happened during the fight with the Magog Worldship. Yes, he'd zeroed in and started to prod the idiot for being an idiot but it had started in firm general asshole territory, nothing unnecessarily intense, easily riposted with some low-key assholery back. Then the other guy - whoever the hell he was - had gone in for the low blow, mocking how hysterical he'd been during the thing with those floating ghost-monsters.]

[It chafes. There's far too much baggage tied up with the memories he'd been forced to relive when the other man had saved him - and he had saved him, which makes this even more irritating. So Harper still refuses to back down, because there's fifty kinds of damage all rolled up in what he was mocked for.]

Look, there's no way I'm playing nicey nice with that inbred, lizard-brained, barely-evolved motherf--

[Whoops, he's not alone now.]

Mirror Grab is go!

[easy_as_cake]

[So not alone, and apparently just in time. Trance's best cheats for finding people are gone, but she knows Harper, and she especially knows his voice, so tracking him down while he's being an ass is surprisingly easy in a big, empty, echo-y city.

There's a scuffle in which the mirror is jostled badly enough not to display anything clearly, accompanied by the sort of low, hissed words that generally come with a parent scolding a child.

Eventually, the mirror stabilizes at a new angle, a strange, purple smudge along the bottom. Trance is using her tail as added keep-away leverage. Harper knows how much she loves her tail. He wouldn't do anything to hurt it.

Never let it be said Trance can't play dirty.

Finally, she manages to turn and face the mirror, the view carefully angled to keep Harper out of direct communication. Her smile looks stressed but genuine.]

Hi! Sorry, Mr.... Mirror-person. Harper's kind of being Harper right now, so it's probably best he doesn't come back to the mirror until he's less shouty.

Re: Mirror Grab is go!

[wherenoonegoes]

Eh, I'm chief of a Viking tribe. That was just barely a two on the shouty scale for me.

My name's Hiccup, actually. Hiccup Haddock.

[the_hit_list]

Generally, that sort of cocksure recklessness is that dumb, unless you're willing to veer from sociopathy into what most people call psychopathy.

Unless you're willing to gas an entire city to kill one person, keeping your mouth shut is more effective.

Thanks for not understanding that principle.

[bravelyrunaway]

Oh fer Chrissakes. Cool it, Captain Literal!

When I say it's war I mean slow burn, grudgey, Bugs Bunny-style, mildly traumatizing psychological warfare. Not actual murder or anything, okay?

[outofresets]

Where we come from there can be a pretty thin line between those two things.

[Not interested in escalating things further than they have been already, Imp tries to keep his tone as non-confrontational as he can manage, just stating the facts of the matter, but it's hard to deny his words come across as judgmental anyhow.]

And most of us really don't know what kind of person you are, aside from what you've said on here.

[It's a great first impression Harper.]

[awfulcer]

And you've chosen to suck dick, but I didn't hold that against you when I was saving your dumb ass. Go fuck yourself.

[If any of them were wondering what it would be like to look into one of the magic mirrors when it gets broken, they get a demonstration now as Dixon beats the hell out of his against a tree.]

[balladin]

[ One of the shards shows Robbie's response to this as he chuckled to himsel and seriously wonders. ]

Is that really still an insult? It might be his thing. Who cares?

[awfulcer]

Why wouldn't it be? [Dixon sounds as angry as he is confused, now, and has the sickening realization that he's completely outnumbered by a bunch of city liberal folks.]

[googledox]

[Brainy is keeping everything entirely calm and cool but there's something about his eyes that's a little different than usual. They're sharper, almost predatory.]

Because someone's sexual predilections are not an indication of someone's moral character or their worth.

[cw: slurs]

[awfulcer]

Great, let’s just start defending the fags here, that’s real on-topic.

[He says as if he didn’t just derail everything.]

[balladin]

[ Robbie sobers up fast when he realizes Dixon's serious. ]

How about lots of reasons? I don’t think we should bring our universe’s shitty baggage – which is basically duct taped Piggly Wiggly bags - to a multiversal group. What difference does it make to your personal happiness what someone does in private, if everybody's having a good time and nobody's getting hurt? How about it’s kind of skeevy to be using sex as an insult? Or did you know fellatio is common in both gay and straight couples, so unless you’re the definition of straight-laced or only date plants, you just “insulted” your own partners?

[cw: leaning into the homophobia]

[awfulcer]

[Joke's on you, Robbie, Dixon's a virgin.]

I don't have time to listen to this liberal homo shit. You people do whatever you want, I don't give a damn. Just don't be trying to justify it at me.