Problem Child

[likeits1999]

...So, uh. Got some things I should probably tell you guys.

[ Kevin seems a little nervous, he has trouble doing "eye contact" with the mirror. ]

I guess like... first of all, I'm Kevin? I'm from New York? I skate? I've met some of you but not everybody so...

[ He shrugs. ]

You ever known somebody who... uh, has a personal problem? But it turns out that if you know 'em and are around 'em all the time it kinda winds up to be their crap ends up being everybody's shit to deal with?

It's kinda like that.

[ Everything about trying to explain this is awful. Everything. ]

The thing with me is... well..

I'm... kind of a vampire?

[ There. He said it. Getting that part out helps him square up and face it a little better, his gaze steadies straight on the mirror. ]

Actually, not "kind of" at all. I'm definitely a vampire. I drink people's blood. I have to. Been doing this shit a good while, too. The Green's got my back with the whole sunlight deal, but I still ain't exactly keeping down regular grindage if you know what I'm saying.

[ Kevin winces a little. He tried. ]

So... here's the deal: I need to drink blood sometimes. Otherwise I get hungry, and when I get hungry I stop... being able to be a person so good? It's bad. Trust me.

[ Please, please trust the self-described vampire. ]

It's not a lot all the time, I can go a bit if I'm full up, and I can stretch it on animals and junk like that, but it's... yeah, dog.

[ He makes his lungs pull in air and breathe it back out in a long hwoo. ]

The other thing is it's probably... if I'm gonna be real with allay'all, I don't want to put my teeth in you? I mean, I got 'em.

[ He takes a second to drop fangs and show the mirror before pulling them back in, which probably does a whole lot of good for his image with the team. ]

It does stuff to people, though? And I don't want to be like that if we're gonna be doing this Lord of the Rings shit together, alright? If we're gonna be real, I'm gonna be real.

[ Kevin's shoulders sink a little as this sudden surge of confidence falters. ]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this, but I'm not lying about it and I'm not gonna sneak around. And I mean.... if y'all wanna run me off into the woods, cool, but I'm gonna end up stuck comin' back like any of the rest of us.

If I could just go find someplace else to be, I mean...

[ He smiles weakly. ]

You wouldn't be hearing this.

Comments

[awfulcer]

What are you talking about? [Seriously, that was all too referential and requires more understanding of...anything than Dixon has.] I didn’t ask your opinion, so keep it to yourself or I’m going to up and leave you next time you’re pissing yourself, you screaming punkass little bitch.

[That escalated quickly.]

[bravelyrunaway]

[Harper's eyes narrow and they don't narrow in a 'haha, I'm slightly annoyed but am going to devilishly bug this guy with harmless prankery.' Oh no, that conflict did indeed escalate. Through the roof.]

[Up into the stratosphere.]

[Oh, look it just achieved unmanned spaceflight.]

[And that means Harper's eyes narrow the way they do when he's decided he's going to destroy someone.]

[Stupid guy, I dub thee Gerentex Part Deux, he thinks.]

You seem to have mistaken me for, uh, yourself, seeing as I was indeed screaming but you were the one piss drunk in a firefight. But let's just push all that to the side and let bygones be bygones -

[He stops.]

Yeah, I was gonna to pretend for half a second that I wasn't going to make your life miserable as often as I can - so it would've been less likely to get pinned on me - but I can't even fake conciliatory for more than a few seconds.

Besides, you're so stupid you might not be able to muster up enough basic pattern recognition to figure out any of it is me, and I'd at least want you to know.

So, uh, I can't stand your face and we're officially at war? Don't expect any ridiculously high-brow principles here, either, I'm absolutely in favor of metaphorical war crimes when it comes to my personal vendettas.

[awfulcer]

[It's lucky for everyone that this is over the mirror network, because if they were in person Dixon would absolutely start swinging. Instead he has the mirror at full size and is shouting in the kind of zero-to-one-hundred anger that brings sweat to his brow and turns his face red, jabbing his finger around for emphasis.]

I saved your fucking life, and it's not like I got loaded before the fight, I got loaded during the fight. [Which doesn't particularly help his case for any of the many people who haven't been told yet that his magic makes him drunk, honestly. The drinkin' shield ain't common knowledge yet.]

You come near me, I'll put you in the ground, you fucking pussy.

[likeits1999]

HEY!

[ Kevin just dives into the argument, expression suddenly grim. ]

Both of you cut. It. The fuck. Out.

[ ...Yes. That sure was a dated hand gesture interspersed with the middle finger. It lends incredible gravity to Kevin's reprimand, he's sure. ]

He asked me a question and I got it. Shit was aces. Why you guys gotta act like this?! Both of y'all chill.

If anybody's got a reason to be mad at anybody else, get pissed at me, right? I'm the one talking about fucking blood here.

Je-sus.

[bravelyrunaway]

I'm not gonna get mad at you. You didn't choose to be a denizen of the undead.

Him, on the other hand? He's chosen to be...that.

I mean, he's probably not the dumbest person on the planet, but he sure better hope they don't die anytime soon.

[likeits1999]

Bro, you started it.

[ Kevin's eyebrows arch in an expression of 'are you really gonna try this?' ]

I had no problems with that.

You know how many newbies ask that question? It's a lot.

[bravelyrunaway]

He started it by existing.

[wherenoonegoes]

So far, all I can tell is that you're not much smarter.

[likeits1999]

[ Kevin waves a hand in frustration. ]

Dude if you get this shit started again I'm gonna-

[ And he cuts off there, as if he doesn't even need to elaborate. ]

[bravelyrunaway]

Oh no, I invented time travel, among other things. I may not be much to look at but the ol noggin's the intellectual equivalent of a three-time Playlien Centerfold model, whose likes include: slipstream engineering, long walks on the beaches of Infinity Atoll, and aiding and abetting.

You're just looking at my impetuous and eclectic style of conflict resolution and thinking 'that guy sure did threaten another guy in front of the group, he must be stupid' but really, I'm not dumb. I'm just morally bankrupt and don't care who knows.

[awfulcer]

And you've chosen to suck dick, but I didn't hold that against you when I was saving your dumb ass. Go fuck yourself.

[If any of them were wondering what it would be like to look into one of the magic mirrors when it gets broken, they get a demonstration now as Dixon beats the hell out of his against a tree.]

[balladin]

[ One of the shards shows Robbie's response to this as he chuckled to himsel and seriously wonders. ]

Is that really still an insult? It might be his thing. Who cares?

[awfulcer]

I asked him a fucking question and he got up in my face to mouth off. I've got every right to tell him to take a hike.

[likeits1999]

People are gonna get in your face for all kinds of shitass reasons, dude, that don't make 'em worth it.

[awfulcer]

They don't get in your face if you get in their face back.

[Because clearly that works.]

[wherenoonegoes]

Dixon? He's just mouthing off right now. Don't sink to his level.

[awfulcer]

I asked a question and he got up in my face and I have the right to defend myself when he does that! Don't tell me what to do, Hiccup, you're not my chief.

[Dixon's not just sinking to Harper's level, he's trying to drag everyone else down with him, and he's sinking into that whirlpool of negativity as rage and insecurity and grief and anxiety all suck him down past where he can think straight.]

[wherenoonegoes]

Fine. You're right. I'm not your chief, I can't tell you what do.

So I'm just going to ask what your chief would think about this. If you want to keep doing this after you come up with an answer, be my guest.

[Because if that's not going to get Dixon to stop, nothing is.]

[easy_as_cake]

Harper! [That is her 'you are doing something stupid and I am here to make you realize it or die trying' voice.]

I know you don't mean that.

[Translation: He had better not mean that.]

There are not enough people here for you to be declaring war on our friends! We all need to get along.

[Does she need to break out the 'peace, love, and understanding' speech? She will.]

[bravelyrunaway]

I absolutely mean it!

And I'm not declaring actual war so much as a light unconstitutional military intervention.

Besides, I've got every right to hate his guts on sight. [Harper gestures with the hand not holding his magic mirror, making it curve around something invisible.] He's so dense, light bends around him.

[easy_as_cake]

You do not. You are a better person than that, Harper, and I believe in you.

[Her eyes narrow at his 'joke' and her mirror starts bobbing a bit like she's walking somewhere. Purposefully.]

Dixon is nice. You're not supposed to hate nice people.

[There's a vague, implicit threat under her words that most people who don't know her would never pick up. Harper is not most people.]

[bravelyrunaway]

[Oh yeah, he catches that tone. He knows what it means.]

[But he's also really cheesed off right now.]

Nice?! He's not - mmph.

[He just cuts off the message with an annoyed growl, effectively hanging up on her.]

[And immediately regrets it. Oh, he's in trouble now.]

[awfulcer]

Stay out of this, I don't need you fighting my fights for me! [Dixon's got a sort of mad dog energy radiating off him, like if this were in person he'd be liable to kick the hell out of the nearest person, animal, plant or rock, whatever their business being there.]

[easy_as_cake]

[She's faced down far more terrifying things than one angry human. She looks affronted but not afraid of his anger.]

I'm not fighting anyone's battles! You're both being dumb and mean and not nice at all!

[awfulcer]

I'm not about to be nice to someone who hells up in here insulting my intelligence for asking a question.

[as if Dixon has intelligence tho]