CROSSROADS ※ 1: DISCUSSION POST [mod event] [video] [open]

[konman]

Okay, so those bird dudes weren't lying about the different paths. I found the crossroads they're talking about.

[Kon really shouldn't be tromping around alone like this so much but he's used to being nigh on invincible. It's going to take a while for him to get used to the idea that he's not.]

[The road was all overgrown but there is a road through the woods - and it leads here, to a place where the line of the forest breaks into wide fields of golden grasses. Kon sets up his mirror to expand to its largest side and leaves it to float. There's a crossroads here with a battered wooden sign. The wood is so faded and weathered that words can no longer be read on it.]

[The path splits off into three paths. Down the left-most path, the unlabeled path leads down a dark and dreary road towards some hills. One hill can be seen all the way in the distance, standing out above the others. Rising a thousand feet above the rest of the land around it, it's covered in battered ruins that offer at least some shelter from the elements and cover from potential enemies.]

[Down the center path, the path clearly leads to a sinister-looking wild forest, a dark and dreary wood that seems filled with endless shadows. The path disappears into the woods and the tangled branches make it impossible to see into the forest's depths, especially at this distance.]

[Down the right-most path, there's candy. No joke. Dirt and normal plants start to give way to cobblestones made of hard candy and sugar-spun delicate trees. Gummdrops line the side of the road. The other two paths are grim, with even the hilly path dim from cloudy skies, but this path seems to have clear skies and constant sun.]

[Kon stands in front of the mirror, so that the paths are behind him.]

So our choices are: the Land of the Hill Trolls, Mirkwood, and Candyland.

[He narrows his eyes.]

I don't trust Candyland. [He gestures vaguely at it.] The other two roads have the good graces to be creepy from the get-go, but that looks deceptively nice. It's trying way too hard to be cheerful and sunshine-ey.

[ooc: See the OOC Post here.]

Comments

[shipoftheseus]

Am I gonna what?

[Someone's gonna have to teach them about economic systems someday, huh?]

[awfulcer]

It's a fucking- you know what, nevermind. I got better shit to do than explain jokes to rocks.

[shipoftheseus]

[ this face ]

I think you just suck at jokes.

[awfulcer]

I think you just suck a lot of things.

[shipoftheseus]

Nah, I'm pretty much perfect.

[awfulcer]

That's not what I was saying.

[shipoftheseus]

[ joke's on you dixon, they don't even know what a blowjob is ]

Wow, you really need to get better at jokes. There's no point if no one can even tell what the joke is.

[awfulcer]

Pretty sure you're just uneducated.

[He'd totally be blowing smoke at the mirror right now, Phos, except he can't, because he's out a cigarettes, and somehow that's your fault, fuck you.]

[shipoftheseus]

Sensei taught me plenty. You're just lame.

[awfulcer]

Did Sensei teach you how to swallow?

[shipoftheseus]

[A vast, over-dramatic eyeroll.]

You mean that thing you do with your organic parts, which I don't have?

[awfulcer]

I mean that thing you do with your mouth, which you've got too much of.

[shipoftheseus]

[A flat look.

And then they lean in close to the mirror and open their mouth wide, showing off what looks like just a roughly hewn hollow space with jagged walls of teal-green crystal. No teeth, no tongue, no hole at the back to lead to a throat.]

[awfulcer]

[Is that sexual harassment? That's totally some kind of harassment.]

Well that's fucked.

[shipoftheseus]

[They pull back just to give the mirror another flat look, eyebrows arching skeptically.]

Your human mouths are way weirder. There's some kind of fleshy wet moving thing in there. It's really gross and distracting to have to look at when you talk.

[awfulcer]

It's called a tongue, and I just assumed you'd already be familiar.

[Seriously, what, Dixon has no idea what to do with the fact that Phos apparently has a a gem-encrusted PVC-pipe for a throat, nor did he want that information.]

You're gross and distracting.

[Sick burn.]

[shipoftheseus]

[Hell, there isn't even a throat. It's just a dead stop at the back. There's straight up nowhere for anything put in there to go but back out the same way it came in.]

Distractingly beautiful.

[ if they had a tongue they'd probably be sticking it out like a little shit ]

[homophobia]

[awfulcer]

Jesus Christ, keep it to Craiglist, you fucking homo.

[shipoftheseus]

I understood literally less than half of those words.

[awfulcer]

Seems like a "you" problem, not a "me" problem.

[shipoftheseus]

Sounds more like you're just making up words.

[awfulcer]

Ask any of the people around here, I'm the one speaking English, you're the one who don't know shit.

[shipoftheseus]

We're both speaking this place's weird magic language, idiot.

[awfulcer]

I only speak one language and it's the only language anyone needs to speak. [Whether he just hasn't figured out how the magic translation language works here or has refused to acknowledge it is a fun mystery!]

[shipoftheseus]

[Is that another joke? Fuck if they know. They're just giving the mirror a long, uninpressed look.]

...You're pretty bad off if the "uneducated rock" understands better than you, huh?