Problem Child

[likeits1999]

...So, uh. Got some things I should probably tell you guys.

[ Kevin seems a little nervous, he has trouble doing "eye contact" with the mirror. ]

I guess like... first of all, I'm Kevin? I'm from New York? I skate? I've met some of you but not everybody so...

[ He shrugs. ]

You ever known somebody who... uh, has a personal problem? But it turns out that if you know 'em and are around 'em all the time it kinda winds up to be their crap ends up being everybody's shit to deal with?

It's kinda like that.

[ Everything about trying to explain this is awful. Everything. ]

The thing with me is... well..

I'm... kind of a vampire?

[ There. He said it. Getting that part out helps him square up and face it a little better, his gaze steadies straight on the mirror. ]

Actually, not "kind of" at all. I'm definitely a vampire. I drink people's blood. I have to. Been doing this shit a good while, too. The Green's got my back with the whole sunlight deal, but I still ain't exactly keeping down regular grindage if you know what I'm saying.

[ Kevin winces a little. He tried. ]

So... here's the deal: I need to drink blood sometimes. Otherwise I get hungry, and when I get hungry I stop... being able to be a person so good? It's bad. Trust me.

[ Please, please trust the self-described vampire. ]

It's not a lot all the time, I can go a bit if I'm full up, and I can stretch it on animals and junk like that, but it's... yeah, dog.

[ He makes his lungs pull in air and breathe it back out in a long hwoo. ]

The other thing is it's probably... if I'm gonna be real with allay'all, I don't want to put my teeth in you? I mean, I got 'em.

[ He takes a second to drop fangs and show the mirror before pulling them back in, which probably does a whole lot of good for his image with the team. ]

It does stuff to people, though? And I don't want to be like that if we're gonna be doing this Lord of the Rings shit together, alright? If we're gonna be real, I'm gonna be real.

[ Kevin's shoulders sink a little as this sudden surge of confidence falters. ]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this, but I'm not lying about it and I'm not gonna sneak around. And I mean.... if y'all wanna run me off into the woods, cool, but I'm gonna end up stuck comin' back like any of the rest of us.

If I could just go find someplace else to be, I mean...

[ He smiles weakly. ]

You wouldn't be hearing this.

Comments

[likeits1999]

[ Kevin squints at Phos a little warily, trying to suss out what they mean. ]

I mean, yeah? The thing is you need it to be alive and it's all kinds of gross to lose it.

[ They also look... weird? They wouldn't be the first alien Kevin's seen here, honestly. ]

Are you from some kinda place where they don't got blood?

[shipoftheseus]

[Phos makes a face, already kinda grossed out by the implications.]

I mean, we don't. And I've never seen blood come out of any of the jellyfish. Maybe the birds have it...? I don't usually see those up close, though.

[Rutile probably knows. They're pretty sure Rutile has taken apart everything and everyone on the island at least once.

They just shrug, apparently unconcerned given how little it affects them and how fine the rest of the group appears to be.]

But everyone else seems okay with it, I guess? So you're probably fine.

[It's very nice of them to be willing to share this apparently finite resource, gosh.]

[likeits1999]

Birds got it.

[ Kevin can at least shore up Phos's knowledge of animal anatomy there. ]

I really didn't expect people to be this cool?

Like... there is a lot less "aaah, you're a monster!" going on here than I was expecting.

[ He makes a little theatrical gesture with his free hand, like someone panicking would. ]

[shipoftheseus]

[It really doesn't seem like a big deal to Phos. Granted, they don't have blood so it really doesn't affect them at all, but. Y'know. It's feels kinda silly watching this guy have his like, relief-panic. They offer an awkward little closed-mouth smile, aiming for something soothing.]

I mean...you're all kind of gross monsters to me. And everyone else thinks I'm weird. So this doesn't really stand out much.

[Like...frankly, Phos would no have registered it as anything weirder than the humans or the dragon or the green dude if not for Kevin outright making a Thing out of it. If he'd just said "hey, my species drinks blood, can anyone help me out with that?" they wouldn't have thought much about it at all beyond basic curiosity.]

[likeits1999]

Yo, thanks.

[ Kevin makes a face. His feelings aren't actually hurt by "gross monster", but it's funny to him and draws comment. ]

So like... I guess how do you work if you don't got blood? Blood's important, it carries all your oxygen and stuff around.

[ He vaguely paid attention in health class sometimes. ]

[shipoftheseus]

[Witness this complete lack of shame either way.

Huh. Is that what the blood does? Not that it really lears much up, since...they don't know what they'd need oxygen for either.]

We don't need any of that stuff anyway. My kind isn't soft and organic like you people.

[likeits1999]

Oh.

[ Kevin squints further. ]

I mean you're a little weird, but you look a lot like a human. Kinda.

[shipoftheseus]

You guys just look a lot like us.

[Obviously. Clearly the superior species must be the basis of anything similar.]

[likeits1999]

[ Kevin stops. Kevin thinks about that for a long, hard moment. ]

Y'know what? You're not wrong, dude.

[ Like... whoah. Which came first, man? Human or weird nonblood dudes? ]

What's your name, anyway? And uh. What are you I guess?

[shipoftheseus]

[Humans. It was humans. By thousands and thousands of years. Don't be fooled by Phos' ignorance and blind vanity.]

I'm a gem. Phosphophyllite.

[likeits1999]

Nice to meet you. Is Phos okay? I'm not real good at like... long words.

[ He admits that, clearly a little embarrassed. ]

[shipoftheseus]

Yeah, lots of the others call me that! Hi, Kevin.

[What a weird name. But they're nice, so they won't comment on it.]